Flying to BWI from St. Louis on Christmas, I, in Southwest's open seating Group C, was resigned to the likelihood of having to squeeze into a middle seat as all other seats were taken, certainly not something someone of my size prefers. To my relief, I spotted an aisle seat near a young couple and their adorable baby daughter. I asked if they minded; the wife said no, but 5-month Baby Abigail, on her first flight, was teething, and she might be cranky. I'm the oldest of 7, have 21 nephews and nieces, and I think 17 grandnephews/nieces. I once babysat my first then baby nephew while my sister and brother-in-law went out for dinner. He started fussing soon as they left--not something I could resolve by a diaper change or feeding him a bottle. I didn't really know what was going on. I adapted what I call an Indian dance, bobbing him up and down--which seemed to work until I stopped/got tired. My sister called to check, initially seemed to think everything was fine, but came home soon thereafter. She later explained the boy was teething; okay, why didn't you mention that--and what to do about it? I'm just a clueless bachelor uncle; for all I knew, he was sick and may have needed medical attention. Lots of younger siblings had teethed, of course, but Mom took care of it.
Baby Abigail was very good the whole 90-minute flight. She was an adorable blue-eyed blond with dimples when she smiled She may have fussed maybe 1 or 2 minutes the whole flight. Her parents easily coaxed smiles from her. She did notice me on numerous occasions, I did the usual stuff--I waved to her, tried to play peek-a-boo, and smiled at her--to a deadpan view. Who knows what she was thinking--that's the fattest man I've ever seen in my life! At least that's a better reaction from then Baby Grandniece Korrie who burst out in tears when I first met her. It was a shock; I usually get along great with babies and little kids; many who have fallen asleep in my arms. My niece explained she had some sort of social anxiety. I just saw her for the first time in 2 years; she's still a little shy around me (after all, she barely knows me), but at least she didn't run screaming from me like I'm the baby monster from the tar pit.
I just love kids; I would love to have my own. I still remember how Mom broke the news of the pregnancy of our youngest sibling. She first asked whether the kids preferred a new baby or a puppy. Wrong approach. My siblings voted for a puppy, and I wanted the baby. And the gender score was 3-3. Do you want a brother or sister? It went along gender lines, except I crossed over, wishing for a sister. I don't think my little brothers ever forgave that betrayal. It may be why I have 3 goddaughters but no godsons.
What brought on this discussion is this Twitter thread over a fight between a young couple headed for a Mexican vacation. Apparently the girlfriend got a major promotion or new job which led to her now making more money than her boyfriend, and his ego couldn't take it. He thought she should turn down the job for the sake of their relationship. He then went over the line by saying when she started having a family, she would end up quitting her job anyway to raise their children. It seems that they never discussed children; it turns out she's not interested in having a family, and she publicly broke up with him.
Of course, the man is also getting heat from a bunch of feminists who think this guy must have teleported from the 50's. I haven't had that many relationships with upwardly successful women. Three of my 4 little sisters did stay at home when the kids were little, but my baby sister, the accountant, worked after brief maternal leave, in large part because she and her husband needed both incomes, and their kids are now outstanding young adults. I don't think it would bother me if my significant other made more than me; I would probably feel happy for her, proud of how market perceives her value and contribution. I have a middle brother who works as a manager for a large private Kansas conglomerate. I have no clue what he earns, but while I was a broke PhD student in the 80's, he already owned his own house. He and his wife own a timeshare in Mexico, take annual vacations and/or cruises, and are considering building a retirement home in central Texas. My youngest brother, after a successful military career, has a secure civil service job and a retirement plan far better than my own, and he's one of the 2 siblings without a college degree. I don't see it as a zero-sum game, i.e., that their success comes at my expense. I am responsible for the choices I've made in life; my little brothers are outstanding men, and I'm proud of them.
I think I'm more worried about how the young woman reacted to the idea of having children. Now, of course, it's her decision, and there are a number of men and women who can't or won't make the sacrifices, have the temperament, or accept the responsibilities of being a parent. But children are awesome gifts from God, and I think my biggest disappointment in life is not my short-shrifted academic career, but not having my own family. As I write, at least 4 of my nephews or nieces who have married over the past few years haven't started their families yet (but I have added a grandnephew and a grandniece over the past year-plus). And one of my dearest nieces miscarried her first daughter, which has been an inconsolable experience.
I'm angry that the ideological feminists have made maternity a zero-plus proposition for women's careers. One of my sisters, who raised 6 children, has attained professional success after years as a housewife. Her kids have turned out great; her 5 sons are all Eagle Scouts. I think there are things I would have done differently if I had a family depending on my income. And there are the experiences I've never had, having a baby Abigail in my life.
