Quote of the Day
The best thing we can do for ourselves and the people in our lives is to love them unconditionally, forgive them without reservation and to accept them exactly as they are.
Iyanla Vanzant
The Judge William Adams Child Abuse Case:
Charges Not Filed: Thumbs DOWN!
I have a nuanced view over specifics in this case. Let me begin by giving an overview of the situation, focusing on the actions of Aransas County (Texas) Court-at-Law Judge William Adams. In 2004, 16-year-old daughter Hillary Adams, with ataxic cerebral palsy, had been caught downloading from the Internet certain unauthorized music and games, which she claims were not available for licensed download. Her father was angry, probably concerned about the financial implications and/or scandal if Hillary's activities were discovered, and decided to punish her. She seemed to anticipate his reaction by secretly recording her dad's corporal punishment of her in her bedroom. The first link above references the uploaded video from Hillary.
This is too painful for me to watch as the judge repeatedly strikes his daughter with a belt and his wife joins in later to spank her. If I had been there, I would have done what I could to stop it; it's inexcusably wrong. I'm not arguing what Hillary was doing was right, but the punishment was unduly severe, and I certainly don't see where repeatedly lashing a young woman serves any rational purpose. I'm not a psychologist, but my immediate reaction is that the judge seems to have anger management issues, and a parent should never punish a child when he or she is emotionally charged. What the tape being taken suggests to me is this isn't the first time he's disciplined her in this matter.
However, I just want to comment on a few things. First, recording another person without his knowledge or consent can be a violation of privacy rights. Hillary admitted to obscuring the record indicator on the video recording device so it couldn't be seen. I looked at some legal webpages (e.g., here). I have not done an exhaustive web search; I am not a trained lawyer, and various states have different regulations on audio and/or video recordings and distribution, but here's my take: I do think Hillary had a right to videotape the encounter but showed poor judgment in uploading the tape to the Internet (among other things, recordings can be manipulated or edited out of context (suppose, for instance, Hillary had instigated the confrontation, which wasn't recorded or was edited out), and unauthorized public release could undermine the judge's legal rights). Certainly home surveillance systems and Nanny-cams are widely available and are used to monitor the behavior of children, babysitters, intruders, etc. A child's right to safety is fundamental, and evidence of abusive behavior is impartial: it doesn't matter if the perpetrator is an intruder, an invited visitor or worker to the home, or a family member.
Second, the judge is understandably upset by Hillary's unauthorized use of creative efforts which have intrinsic intellectual property rights (music and computer games not in the public domain (i.e., expired rights)). It is to the property holders' advantage to make his or her efforts as soon and as widely available as possible, e.g., downloadable tracks from iTunes, Amazon or WalMart (among others). It took a long time before the Beatles made their music available for download. I've found myself annoyed by stupid sales gimmicks; let me give an example: I love Zooey Deschanel (yes, the lead actress in my favorite new series, "New Girl") & Leon Redbone's version of "Baby, It's Cold Outside" from the movie "Elf"; but the only way you can download it is to buy the movie soundtrack (for about $8). I'm not going to pay the $8--I might pay up to $1.29 like many tracks; I'll just stick the video on my Youtube Christmas list. A few months back I was looking for BW Stevenson's Down to the Station or Robert John's Lonely Eyes for my musical interlude feature and couldn't find them on Youtube; for a long time I couldn't find Gilbert O'Sullivan's Alone Again Naturally.
But the judge is understandably concerned because he is financially responsible for his daughter, and copyright violations can result in up to six-figure fines and years in prison.
I've babysat several of my nephews and nieces on a number of occasions; I'll never forget one of my sisters-in-law told me, "If they get out of line, you have my permission to swat them." And I remember looking at her shocked. The thought of corporal punishment never even crossed my mind. I grew up with 6 younger siblings; I was used to noise, arguments, kids being kids, etc. I used to be the "cool" Uncle Ronald (until, of course, they attained the wisdom of their teenage years). My babysitting adventures weren't always Hallmark Christmas memories. I remember one occasion that we were playing a board game when my oldest nephew and niece started kicking each other, and my second nephew was acting up; all of a sudden the board game went flying up in the air and game pieces scattered about the living room. Uncle Ronald spoke in his professor's voice, known to quiesce a room of unruly undergraduates in mere seconds: "Do you want to play nice or do you want to go to bed?" The three kids looked at me in utter astonishment... Where did cool Uncle Ronald go? Did Satan just possess his body? They settled down for a while, but inevitably they decided to test me, and I put them to bed. I wasn't angry; I didn't threaten, argue or scream at them, but I was firm.
Now, of course, as a bachelor, I realize that I've never had to live being responsible 24 hours a day for 18 years or more for a child. And I know parents are fallible human beings. I believe in redemption; I'm hopeful that the judge can reconcile with his now ex-wife and daughter.
It's very frustrating hearing a family air its dirty laundry in public. Hillary, at the time she recently uploaded her 7-year-old video, told Texas voters this is the kind of man her father is and urged them to vote her father out of office (and asked them to forgive her mother for going along with the discipline--the mother told her daughter to turn around to be spanked and to take it like a woman). Hillary is empathetic with her mother for having been herself the victim of the judge's alleged verbal abuse. The judge, on the other hand, said the incident wasn't nearly as bad as it looked, that his daughter was trying to exact revenge because he took back her Mercedes, etc. (This scenario seems tailor-made for a Dr. Phil McGraw show...)
If I had a public statement to Hillary and other young people, it would be: please don't air family problems over the Internet. You can never take it back once it's out there. I'm not arguing to tolerate physical or emotional abusive behavior: a young person needs to value his or her own life and health. But if you can't resolve it directly, discuss it with a trusted discreet third party, e.g., a high school counselor, a clergyman, etc.
As for the judge: I know he's in damage control mode right now. But watching this video broke my heart, and I don't even know Hillary. I can't even imagine what it's like, living Hillary's life. She has a fragile body; she's probably put up with abusive behavior and comments from thoughtless children growing up. My sisters and other women grew up worshipping their Dads, whom loved them unconditionally. They probably look for some of the same qualities in their prospective mates that they see in their fathers. I know there's love in the heart of a judge whom gave his daughter a Mercedes. But who is left to play the hero when a girl's own Daddy strikes her? A Daddy needs to be a man worthy of his daughter's unconditional love; he must also be worthy of his wife's unconditional love. There are so many children whom would move mountains to earn a parent's approval: "Do I Make You Proud?"
The judge may be a worthy, competent judge, but most people like me think that a judge should show the same temperament, wisdom, pragmatism, and discipline at home that he or she exercises from the bench. He needs to probably do some anger management classes, read some good books on fatherhood, and maybe go on some daddy-daughter dates, e.g., dances, where she picks the places and activities.
How would I have handled this situation? Well, I don't know enough about the specifics, but I would probably have required her to delete each downloaded file in front of me; I would require her to document all licensed music and games, and any unlisted file would be subject to purge without notice; I would tell her that I would be monitoring gigabytes downloaded from family Internet accounts and gigabytes over a certain amount would result in result in some penalty (e.g., reduction in allowance or privileges); and I would require her to compose a certain quota of original creative efforts (e.g., a poem, an essay, a short story, etc.) in response to any evidence of unauthorized downloads, so she better understands the time and effort songwriters or software publishers put into original works.
I might have also considered incentives, like giving her a year-end bonus iTunes or Amazon.com gift card for sustained good behavior.
And then I would do something that I learned from how my baby brother raised his kids: after punishing them, he would hug and kiss them and tell them that he loves them.
Okay, all you real-life parents can stop laughing at me now: I'm obviously just a clueless bachelor...
Political Humor
"Hey, this Sunday is the 42nd annual New York City Marathon! You know, a chance to bring together all the best runners in the U.S . . . and watch them lose to a guy from Kenya." - Jimmy Fallon
[Doctors say Obama is in great physical shape...]
"It's a great day for president Obama. "Forbes" magazine put out a list of the most powerful people in the world. And our president is number one. I guess nobody told congress." - Craig Ferguson
[The former Governator, Arnold Schwarzenegger, takes issue with that: "I can still bench more than that scrawny guy."]
Musical Interlude: My Favorite Groups
Foreigner, "Blue Morning, Blue Day"
